


Of Yellow Roses

by hyacynth



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto)-centric, Friendship, Gardens & Gardening, Healing, M/M, Post-Canon, sakura and sasuke friendship-centric, wlw mlm solidarity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-06-30 10:59:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15750309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacynth/pseuds/hyacynth
Summary: “Naruto’s the only one who never gave up on you, you know.”“What about you?”“I think I just thought you’d...changed. That you were someone else. I didn’t really ever know you to begin with, though, did I?”“Not really, no.”“Huh. Well. Better late than never.”After the war and the final battle at the Valley of the End, Uchiha Sasuke is charged with crimes against Konoha and the five nations. He has two choices: be held under custody with ANBU ops, or stay under house arrest with one of his old teammates from the village.He chooses Sakura.Sns featuring Sakura and Sasuke friendship fic. A story of how the two grew to trust each other again after the war, and how Sakura helped Sasuke come to terms with his feelings for their teammate. Not very canon compliant.





	1. Beneath the Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Is the spring coming?" he said. "What is it like?"  
> "It is the sun shining on the rain and the rain falling on the sunshine.”
> 
> From _The Secret Garden_.

It was raining outside, which Sasuke thought was really the least the universe could do. If he was feeling miserable then he expected a poetic backdrop — it was only right. He had a sneaking suspicion Naruto would call this kind of behavior “sulking,” or, worse, “emo bullshit.” Sasuke absentmindedly hoped for some thunder to join in with the rain.

“There,” said Sakura, entering the room holding a tray with a steaming pot of tea and two cups, “I fixed some tea. Now let’s get a look at that arm.”

Sasuke wasn’t thrilled to be crashing in Sakura’s apartment. He half expected her to “make eyes” at him, whatever that meant, but so far it seemed safe. It was better than the alternatives, at least. He clenched his teeth. He could still feel the cold shame in the back of his head, the icy stare of the magistrate — _Y_ _ou're a criminal. You won't be killed. No, you have friends in high places, but you are to be locked away. And you have a choice._

He blinked, letting the memory sink into the background noise of his mind, and the sound of the rain. Sakura was staring at him expectantly.

“Thanks,” he managed unenthusiastically, “That’s. Thoughtful of you.”

Sakura gave him a careful smile, then looked down to pour the tea. Sasuke sighed, and turned in his window seat to face the rainy world again. He'd been given a choice. Part of him wished he'd chosen jail.

The girl still acted careful around him, like he might lash out at any moment. The Sakura he remembered wouldn’t pour tea like she was defusing a bomb. He supposed that medic nin work had given her steady hands, but his time with Orochimaru had taught him to read body language. In the years between leaving Konoha and escaping from Sound the man had never once struck Sasuke himself, but he saw the way the others acted around him. He knew the tight, brittle posture Karin sometimes used, and the way Suigetsu’s eyes would flicker to the exit of a room. Never mind that either of them was more than a match for any normal adversary — sometimes you _learn_ violence. He even remembered, at times, the way he’d felt around Itachi back before he left his life behind. The way his skin trembled, and his breathing came forced and heavy.

He didn’t want anyone to feel that way because of him. Not any more. He’d made a promise.

“I’m…not going to hurt you,” he finally said, eyes still fixed on the view out the window, “I can’t. Not like this.”

There was no response. He looked over his shoulder to see Sakura glaring at him, lips pursed and eyes just a hint cold.

“I know,” she said, eyes locked on his, “I dare you to try.”

To his own surprise, Sasuke laughed a bit at this. Sakura looked as startled as he was at the sound.

“I don’t have a death wish, Haruno. I saw your skills during the war. The state I’m in I’d probably end up a stain on the floor.”

Sakura grinned.

“Damn straight, traitor boy,” she said, eyes softening a bit, “Have some tea.”

Sasuke swung his legs off of the window seat, and moved to sit on a deep red cushion on the floor next to the low table. It was still awkward, maneuvering with just one arm. Sakura didn’t try to help, though — the last time a leaf ninja had offered to Sasuke had done his best to show the kid that even without ninjutsu he was still capable of killing with _just a glare_.

“You can still call me Sakura, you know.”

The words were unexpected. Sasuke looked up in surprise, but Sakura’s gaze was steady. Concerned, even. He met her eyes for a few moments before looking down to his cup of tea. He took it in his hand, and blew on it lightly, the dark liquid rippling then falling still. His fingers were shaking a bit. He frowned — the arm must still be tired. He was still overcompensating for the loss of the other. Sighing, he set the tea down again and clenched his fist against the table, willing his fingers still.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he finally said, “I’ve tried to harm you more than once. I’m…grateful for your help with my arm, and for your hospitality. But I think it’s best we keep our relationship professional.”

There was a brief moment of tension before Sakura made a kind of choked, exasperated noise halfway between a laugh and a groan.

“Naruto was right,” she muttered, smiling to herself.

“What was that?”

“I said Naruto was right about you. You might be quieter after the war, but you still have the same damn stick up your ass.”

Sasuke blinked.

“Naruto said that?”

“Nah, he said something mushy about you having the same heart. I knew what he meant though. The dork.”

Sasuke stared at her a moment, at the way her eyes glimmered a bit and her smile softened when she talked about Naruto. And, suddenly, the world felt hot, and heavy, and dark. The rain pounded on the roof. Sasuke couldn’t imagine what it would be like to think of his time with someone, let alone with Naruto, with that kind of soft nostalgia. There was nothing conflicted in her eyes, no regret, just fondness. Intimacy. He wondered for a moment if that’s how a husband looked at his wife, or a wife at her husband. Pushing the thought away, he cleared his throat.

“You really care about him. Don’t you.”

Sakura looked surprised.

“Of course I do. We’re a team. I even care about Sai, when he’s not being a little shit. Have you met him?”

Sasuke didn’t answer. Instead, he took a careful sip of the tea. The flavor was unusual, darker and richer than he’d expected. He gave Sakura a questioning look, and she smiled.

“It’s a black tea imported from Suna. Gaara sent it as a gift a little under a year ago. Well, he sent it to Naruto, but Naruto can’t do fancy tea, he drowns it in sugar and milk until it tastes like candy. You remember Gaara?”

There was a too-long pause while Sasuke processed what she said before he realized that she was waiting for a response.

“The Kazekage. Of course. I didn’t know you three were still in touch.”

Sakura snorted.

“Not us _three_. He and Naruto are. They write every week. If Gaara lived here I think they’d be glued at the hip. It’s cute, honestly.”

She took a sip of the tea now, and Sasuke followed suit. It really was a rich flavor — subtle, but not muddled or unpleasantly tart. Sakura gave him a lopsided smile, and for a moment the room was filled with nothing but the sound of rain. In the silence, Sasuke found himself wondering what she was trying to accomplish with this conversation. Let him know that Naruto and the Kazekage were close, maybe. That Sai was close to them too. He frowned to himself. Sakura had never been the type to rub someone’s nose in their own defeat. Unless she’d changed more than he knew, this couldn’t be a taunt. A warning, then? He narrowed his eyes. No, she was still smiling, however hesitantly.

“So. How do you like the tea? I’m thinking of asking Gaara for a clipping of the plant, to try and grow one myself. You could help, if you’re living here…?”

Again, an invitation for a response.

“Anything I can do. I owe you a debt, for letting me stay here at least.”

“You get that for free. I meant to ask if you _wanted_ to help, idiot.”

Her tone was playful. Sasuke had to accept the possibility that maybe, despite everything, she was actually trying to joke with him. To smalltalk. He met her eyes one more time. Bracing himself, he took a breath. May as well give her what she wanted.

“Right. I forgot,” he said, trying his best to match her smile, “Maybe I lost a few braincells during the war. I do like the tea, though."

He paused, searching for more to say. A faint memory played at the back of his mind: a kitchen, a sunny day. He bit his lip.

"I...remember," he went on, "when I was little my family used to...I mean, my mother, she used to collect rare teas, before...”

The words slowed, then stopped. Sasuke's thoughts stopped with them. His head was dull, full of a throbbing white noise that threatened to take over his vision. Sasuke clenched his fist, fingernails digging into his palm, and tried to breathe. He felt the familiar shame, the fear, the  _rage_ pressing down at the back of his head. Other feelings too. You’d think after learning the truth about Itachi the rest of the pain would have left. He used to think it had. Could he even remember his mother's face?

And he was still sitting there, silent. His skin felt wrong, he thought, too tight and too hot. Sakura was staring at him too, he knew, but he couldn't speak. He felt like someone had cut away the strings that held him up. Like a broken puppet.

Naruto, he knew, had heard about Itachi’s past. About his family. Had he told Sakura? She must know about his clan, but Sasuke couldn't explain what had happened, not now, to her–

But she was already shaking her head.

“She sounds like a lovely woman,” Sakura said, reaching across the table to place a hand over his.

Sasuke’s immediate instinct was to recoil. He closed his eyes a moment, forcing himself not to jerk away from the touch, and took a slow, careful, breath. Opening them again, he saw a worried look in Sakura’s eyes. She had taken her hand away from his.

“What I mean,” he said, keeping his voice calm and light, “is that I’d like to help. It would be…rewarding.”

Sakura brightened at this.

“I’m glad. I’ll start another pot steeping, then. After that we can take a look at your arm. I have a few ideas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Naruto canon didn't do Sakura or Sasuke justice, let alone the friendship they could have had. Things can't exactly be simple or easy between them, but I think they care a lot about each other. Especially when the author doesn't try to pretend they're in love.
> 
> Expect lots of sns (starting chapter 3/4 really), maybe some inosaku. This stared as a one shot, so I'm not sure how far I'll go. Also, this may be "canon universe" but honestly it's more like "parts-of-canon-I-remember universe." Hope you enjoy.
> 
> <3


	2. The West Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I thought that a man might be an enemy of other men, of the differing moments of other men, but never an enemy of a country: not of fireflies, words, gardens, streams, or the West wind.”
> 
> From _The Garden of Forking Paths_.

Living with Sakura wasn’t nearly as bad as Sasuke had originally thought.

Over the next week, the two of them fell into a kind of rhythm — Sakura would rise early and leave for her shift at the hospital, and then Sasuke would have the apartment to himself for a few hours. Sometimes Sakura would leave him coffee in the morning, and, in turn, he’d usually try to get a start on dinner before she got back. It worked. It was simple. At times, he nearly forgot that his world ended at the front door.

But only for a moment.

Today, he was restless. Sakura hadn’t come home at the usual time, so instead of their usual dull, domestic conversations he was stuck with silence. He was stuck with his thoughts. He absently stared down at his hand, tilting it from one side to the other, watching the light from the now-setting sun paint shadows across his palm, his tendons. His skin still felt wrong. Perhaps he’d grown too big for it, or else too small.

“Sasuke,” came a muffled voice from behind the front door, “Can you let me in? My arms are full.”

He glanced up, lowering his hand, and let his shoulders relax.

“Coming,” he called back, and padded over to the door to unlock it.

Sakura’s arms were full with three bags worth of grocery shopping. A head of lettuce was sticking out of the top, leafy bits of romaine brushing her face. She gave the greens a quick scowl, nodded to Sasuke in thanks, then strode into the house to plop the bags down on the kitchen counter. Yawning, she made a show of rolling her shoulders and working out the kinks in her back.

“You’re late,” Sasuke observed, voice sharp despite himself. Sakura shot him a _look_.

“I’m aware. I swear,” she said, flopping down on one of the chairs in the small living room, “I’m going to petition the council to let you leave the house, _if only_ to get some help with the god damn shopping. I feel like the maid.”

Sasuke did his best to look sympathetic, but he didn’t try to respond. He was sure, even if she wasn’t, that the council wasn’t going to let him out of the house for a long time.

“What did you get?” he asked instead, pulling the offending romaine out of the bag and curiously prodding around at the rest of the contents.

“The usual. Some soup stock for if the brat wants to come over one of these days — he promised me he would. I figured we could try ramen from scratch. You into that?”

Sasuke bit his lip, and carefully placed the lettuce back into the bag.

Naruto again. He’d tried not to think about the boy since he got back. Logically, he figured that Naruto would show up when he wanted to. It didn’t mean anything that he hadn’t visited yet. Logically. He could hold on to that fact.

“Whatever you like,” he muttered.

Sakura gave him a skeptical glance.

“That’s not an answer,” she said accusingly, “You know it’s not an answer.”

Was it? As a rule, Sasuke didn’t think about their last battle any more. He could _feel_ , though, deep in his chest the way Naruto had looked that last time he’d seen him. He could see the blue of Naruto’s eyes if he closed his own. But that _hurt_ , now, and Sasuke was done hurting.

The judge had told him he had friends in high places. That had to mean Naruto — Sakura had confirmed as much — and then he’d chosen to come here, and there had been nothing. He didn’t want to see him, now. He didn’t want to hear the reason why, after all these years of chasing him, Naruto didn’t care enough to visit.

He bit back the urge to kick over a piece of furniture, and, instead, started putting away the groceries with grim determination.

“There isn’t another answer to give. He can come if he wants. Do what you like.”

Sakura stared at him a moment, then groaned, throwing her head dramatically over the back of her chair.

“Sasuke, it’s been a long day,” she whined, “I had to cover Hana’s shift at the hospital, Team 10 just came back from a mission and Shikamaru and Chouji had broken _bones_ , and on top of that I just did two weeks of grocery shopping so no, you can be cryptic and difficult tomorrow, thank you, just tell me what’s on your mind then leave me _be_.”

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. He was half surprised she’d made it through the sentence all in one breath. Sighing, he shoved the last of the vegetables into the fridge, and closed the door. Reluctantly, he sat down across from Sakura.

“What do you want to know?”

“I said, whatever’s on your mind. You’ve been in a funk since yesterday.”

Sasuke frowned. Had he? He paused, trying to remember what he’d done the day before, or the day before that, for that matter. Mostly it was just a fog. Gray days, stuck in the apartment. Like the sun had gone away.

Sakura have him a pointed look.

“Everything’s fine,” Sasuke said, looking away, “Maybe it’s the weather.”

“The rain cleared up days ago.”

He shrugged. He’d liked the rain. It had made it feel like he was staying indoors by choice.

“I guess I don’t like being…stuck here,” he hazarded.

“Neither do I, not when you’re moping around the house instead of helping.”

Sasuke scowled.

“I don’t mope. And if I do I have a lot to mope about.”

Sakura raised her eyebrows.

“So do I,” she said, “So does Naruto, and Kakashi, and every shinobi in the village.”

Sasuke’s hand balled into a fist. Again, Naruto.

“Sure,” he said, voice turning cold, “I’m _sure_ you’ve been through a lot.”

“Sasuke,” Sakura said, voice low and sharp, “I know you’ve had a hard life. Shit, you’ve had it worse than most of us, but you don’t have a fucking monopoly on trauma! It wasn’t easy for me when you _and_ Naruto left the village to…to go off and train. And left me alone.”

Sasuke looked venomous.

“Why? Because you were in love with me? Is that it?”

“No!” Sakura snapped, voice raising to a shout, “I was never in love with you you narcissistic little shit! It was hard for me because suddenly my two closest friends were gone, and I had to learn to be an adult! On my own! And, and listen to how everyone talked about you, and wonder if they were right. And wonder what that made me, and. Who I was on my own.”

She looked away then, and Sasuke was surprised to see that her eyes looked red and damp. He opened his mouth to comment on it, but she cut him off before he could speak.

“And don’t you dare offer me a tissue, Sasuke, this isn’t about you.”

“Isn’t it?”

Sakura shot him another glare, but it was softer this time.

“So,” Sasuke said quietly, “you weren’t in love with me.”

Sakura let out a noise somewhere between a sniff and a short, sharp laugh.

“No,” she said, “I guess I used to think I was, but, no. I’m not going to fling myself at you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“That’s…good,” Sasuke managed.

“Good.”

There was a brief moment of silence as Sakura dabbed at her eyes and Sasuke tried to think of something to say. He wasn’t…good at this kind of thing. He’d spent so much of his life trying to run away from his emotions that, well. What exactly was he supposed to do with someone else’s?

Finally, he spoke.

“So,” he said slowly, “what’s on _your_ mind?”

Sakura actually laughed at that.

“God, Sasuke, I am going to _scream_. I was having an okay day you know.”

“So was I.”

“Liar,” she said, grinning at him.

“Takes one to know one,” he said, but the words felt forced even to him.

Sakura sighed.

“Fine,” she relented, “I’ll tell if you will.”

Sasuke bit his lip, but nodded.

“You first.”

“Yeah, well,” Sakura paused, pursing her lips, “You know I said Team 10 was at work today? Well. Things haven’t really been…the same lately. With them.”

“With Shikamaru?” Sasuke guessed. He vaguely remembered the boy from the chūnin exams.

“No, with Ino,” Sakura said, “I saw her after the war, after you and Naruto…you know, and. Things were weird.”

“How?”

Sakura paused, brows furrowed as if searching for the right words.

“Well, we were at a party, nothing big just a celebration with a few old classmates,” she said, and then all at once the words were tumbling out, “and we both had too much to drink, and we were talking, and joking, and then she. Um. She started talking about how…how pretty I was, and she was sitting so close to me and I could smell her perfume and she kept leaning in like she was going to…”

The girl trailed off. Sakura’s face, to Sasuke’s bewilderment, had reddened a bit — a few shades darker and it would match her hair. Sasuke frowned to himself, trying to remember if he’d even seen Sakura blush before. When they were kids and she’d been fawning over _him_ all she’d really done was look overeager and mess with her hair.

“It was a mess,” she said helplessly, as if somehow this phrase summed up everything else that had happened, “And I acted weird, I know I did, and now she isn’t…speaking to me.”

Sasuke sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. He could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. Everyone in the world seemed so focused on romance. So maybe this Ino girl had…come on to Sakura, whatever that meant. So what. It was their business.

“So,” he hazarded, “she made you uncomfortable?”

“No!” Sakura said quickly, “No, not at all, I just. I think I made her uncomfortable, or maybe I gave her the wrong idea, or. Something. I just miss her, you know? She’s my best friend, besides you two.”

Sasuke felt his chest tighten. Sakura couldn’t seem to go two minutes without bringing Naruto into the conversation. _Just shut up_ , he wanted to scream, _he got me back, he doesn’t want me in his life anymore, so leave me alone. I get it._

He looked up. Sakura was raising her eyebrows at him.

“What?”

“You were scowling,” she said, “And anyway, it’s your turn. I shared, now you. House rules.”

Sasuke’s scowl darkened into a deathly glare, but Sakura just crossed her arms.

“ _House rules._ Don’t you dare disrespect my hospitality, Sasuke Uchiha,” she said flatly, “Spit it out.”

Sasuke knew that look. She hadn’t used it on him in years, but even now something in him told him that defying that look wasn’t the best idea. Besides, Sakura was nothing if not stubborn. So he would talk, and then she would move on.

“You keep talking about Naruto,” he managed, forcing himself to meet her glare, “About the three of us. When we were kids. I don’t get it.”

She frowned.

“What’s not to get?”

“I’m not–” he stopped himself, took a breath, and continued, voice low and quiet, “That’s not who I am any more. I got rid of all that.”

“You’re still the same person, I don’t–”

“That’s not what I mean!” snapped Sasuke, “I’m not part of your life any more. Or his. I cut myself out of it. I was your _enemy_.”

“I know, but you’re not anymore, you’re–”

“Yes I am!” Sasuke shouted, standing up and gesturing wildly at the room, “I can’t exactly forget it, can I? They keep me locked in a box, in the middle of a city I was going to _destroy_ , and the only person I ever fucking see is you! And we talk about cooking, and your job, and your friends, and your life, and Naruto — fucking Naruto, who told the counsel they can’t kill me! And who gave him the fucking right! And now he’s…does he even know I’m here? It’s been a week, he, what, he just tells them to lock me up somewhere and leaves?”

Sasuke’s voice sounded hoarse. His breath was ragged and heavy, his shoulders heaving and his heartbeat pounding in his head. Clenching his teeth, he went, on quieter.

“I know you two love it here. I know this place is home, to you, but it isn’t to me. It makes me _sick_. I’m sick, and the bastards lock me up. This isn’t my fucking home, Sakura, it’s a _jail_. It’s not the same…thing, there’s, fuck, I don’t know. There’s nothing for me to come home to.”

His hand was shaking. He silently thanked whatever god might be listening that his eyes were still dry.

“Sorry,” he managed, looking down, “I didn’t mean to…to blow up.”

There was a silence. Sasuke closed his eyes, and willed his breathing to slow, and his hand to still.

“It’s not a jail,” Sakura said quietly.

“Can I leave?” Sasuke responded, “How is it anything but a jail if I can’t leave? If I’m still the enemy?”

Sakura sighed, and he looked up. She was leaning forward in her chair, propping her chin up with her hands and looking…thoughtful? She pursed her lips.

“I don’t think you can be the enemy of a whole village,” she said.

For a moment, Sasuke remembered Itachi. The faces of his family. The way Danzo had looked when he saw the last speck of life fading from the man’s eyes. He smiled slightly, eyes dark and tired.

“Tell that to the village elders.”

But Sakura shook her head.

“You’re _their_ enemy. And Danzo’s, and the enemy of…well, some of Anbu, still. Maybe you were my enemy too, back before the war. But you were never the enemy of, I don’t know, the kids. The trees.”

Sasuke didn’t answer.

“Sasuke,” she began, but her voice trailed off again.

Her words made a kind of sense, he knew. He should tell her she was right. It would make her feel better. But he couldn’t look at the trees of Konoha and not feel the familiar spike of fear, of rage. The desire to burn them all to the ground. Once, he would have done it. Sakura gave him a long, sad look. Her eyes were tired. His must be too.

“We all make mistakes,” she said, quickly adding “I don’t mean…god, I don’t mean you turning on us, really. I know about your brother, I just mean. We were wrong about you. The elders are too. They’ll see.”

“They won’t,” Sasuke said, and Sakura sighed.

There was a long silence, then. Sakura stared out the window. Sasuke stood, not waiting for her to say whatever she’d say next. His head felt…crowded. The thoughts were fading now, the pain and panic fading to black, but they still left a buzz and an ache in his skull. He wanted to lie down. When he reached the door, though, Sakura spoke.

“Naruto’s the only one who never gave up on you, you know.”

Sasuke froze, fingers barely touching the doorknob. Again, the ghost of blue eyes, the memory of that look of joy, of determination. The feeling of hope. Gritting his teeth, he pushed the images away. Naruto _had_ given up on him. Now that he was back in the village, back under control, he had no purpose any more. His life stopped at the front door. What’s the use of dwelling on the past.

“What about you?” he asked, still not turning around.

“I think I just thought you’d...changed. That you were someone else,” Sakura’s voice was soft, thoughtful, “I didn’t really ever know you to begin with, though, did I?”

“Not really, no.”

“Huh. Well. Better late than never.”

Behind him, he heard the sound of Sakura standing. He felt his body tense for a moment, but no, she was walking to the kitchen, not to him. He turned the doorknob.

“Sasuke?”

He didn’t turn. She went on.

“You should talk to him, you know. To Naruto.”

This time he was ready for the name. He was ready for the familiar stab of pain and memory, and he fought it back down even as it came. She wouldn’t _stop talking about him_. Well, two could play at that game.

“What about _your_ girl? Shouldn’t you talk to her?”

Behind him, Sakura made an extremely satisfying sputtering noise.

“Don’t bring Ino into this,” she said sharply, and he nearly laughed. He should have, really, he was just...tired.

“My thoughts exactly,” he muttered, and opened the door to his makeshift room.

Pausing just behind the doorway, though, he frowned, mentally scanning through the faces he remembered from his time in the village. There weren’t many.

“Sakura,” he said, “who exactly _is_ Ino?”

He turned to see Sakura, giving him the most murderous glare he’d seen all day, holding the head of lettuce in one hand like an executioner with an axe. She raised her arm, and he leapt back into his room, slamming the door just in time to hear a heavy _thunk_ as the weaponized vegetable hit the door in exactly the spot where his head had been a few seconds ago. Behind the door, he heard a string of muffled curse words, and the sounds of Sakura picking up the lettuce and washing it vengefully off in the sink. The refrigerator door slammed, and he wondered at how the furniture in her house stayed in one piece. Somehow, though, the sounds were familiar. Comforting, even.

He smiled to himself. He may be different, but Sakura, at least, was the same.

Maybe Naruto would be too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as: “Chapter 2: Feelings?” and "Chapter 2: Why are They Fighting"  
> Thank you all so much for your support — this is the second fic I've ever written and every comment honestly means so much to me, I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am!  
> Honestly I'm very glad this chapter is out of the way, it was fun and necessary for them as characters but God was it Hell to Write!  
> In the meantime, we get a third character visiting the apartment next chapter. Stay tuned.


	3. For the Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?
> 
> From _Candide_.

Sasuke had spent the entire morning chopping various ingredients into a pot and watching the water boil. He could have chosen a worse way to spend the day, he supposed.

When Sakura had asked him to make the broth, the conversation hadn’t exactly gone smoothly.

“Are you sure you want me doing this?”

Sakura gave him an exasperated look.

“I have to clean. Anyway, I’m sure you can cook with one arm, just chop some veggies into the pot. If you need to hold something down to cut it make me do it.”

“Of course I can cook, but in case you don’t remember I’m not allowed to wield a blade.”

“A _blade_ , Sasuke?”

“It has an edge. I could hurt someone.”

“It’s a kitchen knife.”

He shrugged.

“I’m just letting it be known that it’s not my decision. It’s yours.”

Sakura had left the room in a huff at that point, but it had to be said. If anyone _happened_ to be listening in on their conversation they would understand that the responsibility fell on Sakura’s shoulders, not his. She had connections. She could suffer a blow against her reputation, he could not.

No matter how many connections Sakura had, though, Sasuke wasn’t foolish enough to believe for a minute that there wasn’t an ANBU agent watching him at all times. He’d been an S class criminal. No matter how many times Sakura assured him that no one would dare spy on her in her own home, she didn’t know what he knew. She still thought the village meant well. That it was motivated by morality.

Now, with Sakura across the house cleaning, Sasuke was chopping celery with careful, delicate precision. He tried not to admire how the light from the window reflected off the curve of the blade, but it was pointless. During his time at Sound, and even before, back when he was still a genin, he’d loved the look of well crafted steel. He could see the art in it, feel how it sliced through the air.

Sakura kept her knives sharp.

Across the apartment, Sakura sighed, and he heard the soft tap of a broom leaning against a wall.

“What time is it? Do you think he’ll be here soon?”

Sasuke glanced at the clock above the sink.

“It’s 4:15.”

“Then I’ll head out and get him. He _said_ 4:30, but if I don’t drag him it’ll be more like 5:00.”

Sasuke positioned a stalk on the cutting board and regarded it grimly.

“Mhm.”

“He said he had a surprise, too.”

He lifted the knife.

“Oh?”

“A guest, maybe. I know he wanted you to meet some of his newer friends.”

 _Chop_.

Sakura winced.

“Don’t shatter my knives while I’m gone,” she muttered.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“And don’t think you’re being subtle. You’ll be fine.”

“Of course.”

“Just make the soup!”

“Right. Just make the soup,” he repeated flatly.

There was a brief and uncomfortable silence as Sakura fumbled for something to say, but then she turned, gave him a kind of awkward half nod, and slipped out into the hall. Sasuke felt his shoulders relax an inch.

Three weeks. He’d half expected Naruto would take a full month to show up again. Maybe a year. When pressed, even Sakura had said it was odd. He used to visit more, when it had just been her. Sasuke tried not to think about how he was the only thing that had changed.

Well, strictly speaking this wasn’t true. After the war, Naruto had become something of a village celebrity, or so it would seem. Sakura said he was always off on some diplomatic mission, or else stuck in the Hokage’s tower going over reports and paperwork. It seemed like Tsunade was trying to prepare him for politics, one way or another, but there was still the nagging feeling that, if Naruto wanted to, he could make the time. After three weeks of silence, though, hope _and_ worry had gotten old.

When he’d first moved in with Sakura, he’d mostly wanted to tear the walls down. Now, he was sleeping again. His hand had stopped shaking, most days. Instead, there was a dull throbbing in his head, a constant, quiet reminder that Naruto had decided he wasn’t worth seeing. He was worth _saving_ , sure, but now he was just another happy memory, another problem solved. Or maybe Naruto thought of him as another failure, the boy who just wouldn’t play along so now he’s _home_ , he’s _stuck_ , he’s locked away where Naruto won’t have to deal with him again, and–

His hand was shaking again. The knife had nearly slipped. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to stop repeating Naruto’s name inside his head. He didn’t have time for this. Three weeks was enough, and after today it could be over.

“Just make the soup,” he muttered to himself, tightening his fingers around the knife.

Three stalks of celery later, and he heard the sound of keys rattling in the lock outside. He put the knife down before closing his eyes a moment, and taking a breath. They were back early. It was fine. Slowly, half holding his breath, he turned to the door. It opened.

To his relief, Sakura was the first one through. She was beaming, halfway through telling some hospital anecdote or other. Her cheeks were pink from the cold air outside.

And then there was him.

He was hugging Sakura, leaning impishly into her as she laughed and tried to push him away. Warm blue eyes, deep tanned skin. He looked like a piece of summer.

“Sasuke?”

Sakura was looking at him, her expression searching. Kind, almost.

Naruto turned to face him, eyes wide, and froze.

For a moment, Sasuke could swear time stopped. The air stopped moving, light seemed filtered like his whole world was flowing through stained glass. Did he look different? The eyes were the same blue, the hair the same offensive shade of blond, but there was something new there too. When they were young, Naruto had held himself differently on the battlefield, all edges and teeth and kicking legs. When he wasn’t on guard, he’d been relaxed. Soft. Now, Sasuke could _see_ the war in him. Broad shoulders, soldier’s posture. The hint of a scar along his left cheek. A new arm, still healing, flesh pale and discolored against the tan of the rest of his skin. Had Sasuke really done that? When was the last time he had really even _seen_ Naruto, outside of battle? When was the last time he’d seen him in civilian clothes, without blood or sweat or dirt streaking his face, smiling and relaxed? Years ago?

Naruto blinked, and the world started moving again. The silence, however, stretched on. After one too many tense and too-long moments, Sakura cleared her throat, and Naruto jumped back, guiltily setting her free from his still lingering hug.

“Hey,” Sasuke said, voice flat.

Naruto just stared at him a moment. Was he going to speak?

Apparently not. Sasuke turned back to the cutting board, and picked up the knife again. Part of him wanted to hurl it across the room and demand to know why Naruto had even bothered to show his face here after three weeks. Another, smaller part of him — one which he would really rather ignore — wanted to twirl the knife like he was doing sword tricks, wanted to whirl his eyes red and spark with lighting and _gleam_ in front of this boy he barely knew. _Look at me._

Instead, he spoke.

“You’re early. Sakura said you had a surprise.”

He bit his lip. He sounded flat and disinterested, he knew. Behind him, Naruto coughed nervously.

“Uh, yeah,” he managed. Even his voice seemed somehow different, soft compared to the Naruto Sasuke remembered. Had he really been so loud and full of bravado? Had Sasuke just not seen him with his guard down?

“Well?” Sasuke prompted, the knife gliding deftly down in front of him, “What’s the surprise?”

There was a brief silence. Sasuke turned to see Naruto, face a hint red, giving Sakura a nervous look. The girl sighed, and turned to face the still open door.

“Come on in. No point in breaking the ice.”

A man walked through the door. His face was one Sasuke remembered studying, remembered facing in battle. Unlike Naruto, the Kazekage looked almost the same at peace as at war — calm eyes, tousled red hair, a thoughtful, almost calculating expression. He was staring at Sasuke.

“This is Gaara,” Naruto said, “I, uh, figured you might want to meet him. Or, you know, get to know him. I guess you’ve already…met.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

“He’s, um. The Kazekage,” Naruto added weakly.

To his credit, Gaara gave him a somewhat exasperated look, then held out a hand to Sasuke.

“I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s a pleasure to meet you in…less fraught circumstances.”

Sasuke fought the urge to scowl. The boy spoke like he was giving a political speech.

“I’d shake your hand, but mine is occupied,” he said dryly, holding up the knife to accentuate his point.

The Kazekage didn’t flinch, which irked Sasuke a bit, but he did withdraw his hand.

“So nice of you to _make the time_ ,” Sasuke went on, purposefully not looking at Naruto, “I don’t get out much, you see.”

Naruto laughed nervously, and Sakura shot him a glare.

“Well,” Naruto began, “Gaara was just–”

“You know I really find it funny,” Sasuke continued, “that you two have kept up so well over the years. We’ve all made our mistakes, but mine don’t have a _body count_."

His hand was shaking a bit around the knife. Part of him wanted to scream at himself for picking a fight before anyone could even sit down, but more than that, he felt hot and tight and... _furious_. The Kazekage’s eyes were still cold, still fixed on Sasuke like he was waiting to see what he’d say next. Sasuke tightened his fist. Naruto was taking a step towards Gaara now, an arm out as if to _comfort_ him. Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, to bite back another scathing remark, but Sakura cut him off before he could speak.

“Naruto,” she said, voice carefully cheerful, “I need to borrow Sasuke a moment. Could you and Gaara watch the stove while he helps me with something in the other room?”

Naruto nodded, eyes wide.

“Don’t let it boil over,” muttered Sasuke.

“He won’t,” said Sakura, before grabbing him by the arm and half pulling half dragging him out of the room, down the hall, and into the first open door.

As soon as the door was shut behind them, she whirled on him.

“ _What the_ _fuck was that_?” she hissed, “You’re acting like a fucking child!”

Sasuke shrugged.

“I’m making conversation. Better than he’s doing.”

“Gaara came all the way from Suna. He’s only here for a day, and he wanted to meet you. Whether or not you’re pissed at Naruto, you have to act like a _human being_.”

Under her glare, Sasuke felt himself deflating a bit. Grimacing, he forced himself back into a scowl.

“He didn’t _want to meet me_ , Naruto dragged him here so he wouldn’t have to spend fucking time alone with me in-”

“Oh for fucks sake, you don’t fucking– I don’t care! You don’t know what he wants! Be civilized! Be fucking...I don’t know, talk about the weather!”

“It’s cold.”

“Fucking great!”

Sakura sighed, and leaned back against the wall, letting her head tilt back in a kind of exhausted annoyance.

“Sasuke, I know this whole thing is weird,” she went on, “but can we just have dinner? I’ll...I dunno, I’ll talk to him. Just make your soup and...and be polite. Okay?”

“Fine.”

Sakura raised her eyebrows.

“We ready to go back?”

Sasuke glanced around.

“From…the bathroom?”

For a moment, Sakura looked sheepish.

“I had to improvise.”

“I’m not critiquing your methods. Just, what must they think? Alone in the bathroom. How scandalous.”

Sakura’s glare didn’t subside, but he saw the hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth. She wasn’t too angry after all. To his surprise, Sasuke felt…glad, about that.

“Idiot. Just because we’ve established I’m not in love with you doesn’t mean you get to be a shit about that too. Come on,” Sakura said, opening the door and ushering him out in front of her, “let’s go be humans.”

When they walked back in, Naruto and the Kazekage were in conversation.

“What’s the celery for?” Naruto was saying, eyebrows screwed up in a confused frown.

“The broth,” Gaara said simply, “It adds flavor.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Naruto muttered, as Gaara gently scraped the already chopped celery into the pot.

“It’s good for you,” Sakura said, and Naruto looked up guiltily.

“She’s right,” Sasuke said, forcing himself to make eye contact, “I dunno if it’s traditional, but it’s a vegetable. Is your diet still like it was when we were kids?”

Sakura laughed grimly.

“Worse,” she said.

Naruto looked indignant, but Gaara was smiling and shaking his head.

“You won’t believe what he eats when he comes to visit me in Suna,” he said lightly, picking up the wooden spoon Sasuke had been using and giving the broth a gentle stir, “I think he’s single-handedly changing our economy. There’s never been such high demand for snack foods and instant ramen.”

Sakura and Gaara laughed, and Naruto did too despite his protests, and Sasuke suddenly felt…dull.

Is this what it had been like for the years he’d been away? Sakura had walked forward to join in the circle, but Sasuke found himself hanging back, waiting for…what, an invitation? His spot at the counter had been taken, and Gaara was dealing with the soup. Everything was fine. Now and then Sasuke heard himself add a sarcastic comment or a dry observation to the conversation, nothing too out of character, nothing too obtrusive. Gaara even laughed now and then, at something he’d said. His head ached.

When was Naruto going to look at him?

Sakura was laughing now. Naruto’s stomach had growled, and he was trying to no avail to act like nothing had happened.

“Did you skip lunch?” Sakura asked accusingly, grinning, hands on hips.

“I slept in,” Naruto muttered, and Sakura laughed again.

“God, he’s always been like this. Back when we had just made Genin, there was this mission and Kakashi had us climbing trees or something.”

Sasuke turned to face her, eyebrows raised. He remembered the day. Most of his memories from back then felt like they belonged to someone else, but some were still clear. Battles, days alone at his family’s compound. And climbing trees.

“It was about chakra control, right?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah, right, so I figure it out first, naturally,” she went on, “because I have a brain. Sasuke calls it quits a while after that, but Naruto, _Naruto_ doesn’t want to give up.”

All three of them were watching her now. The broth sizzled at the edge of a boil.

“Kakashi tells us that he’s still out there falling out of trees, and Sasuke is _furious_. I remember the look on his face,” she said, laughing at herself now, “It was like, how _dare_ he not take care of himself. So then he brings Naruto his dinner out in the middle of the woods, just walks out of the room like we wouldn’t know where he was going. You two were always doing shit like that. Remember?”

The room had fallen silent. The only sound left was the bubbling of the pot.

“Yeah,” said Naruto, softly, “kinda. I remember him showing up and yelling at me about it.”

Sasuke bit his lip. Naruto still hadn’t met his eyes again. His chest felt tight and dark and...hollow. What was Naruto thinking? It must have been years since stories about them as kids weren’t...taboo. Sasuke’s memories were dark, and small, and far between. Sakura talked about it like nothing had changed. Sasuke knew better. Naruto must know, too.

“What about you?”

It was Gaara, this time. Sasuke cleared his throat, pulling himself out of the patchy memories of missed dinners and forest green.

“Yeah. He was being a dumbass. Same as usual.”

He licked his lips. The reply sounded fake even to him. What was he supposed to feel about all this, now? Neither of them were the same people. Maybe Sakura was, but not him.

“Well,” Sakura said carefully, “the broth is coming along. Are the noodles we got still fresh enough?”

Sasuke frowned.

“I think I threw them out a couple days ago. I was going to freeze them, but I don’t think they kept that long.”

Sakura sighed.

“Naruto, want to go grab some with me? I wanted to talk to you about something anyway.”

“Sure,” Naruto said, a little too eagerly.

“Gaara, you mind watching the pot with Sasuke?”

“Not at all.”

“Then we’ll be back in ten or so. The shop I’m thinking of is just down the street.”

Sakura gave him a lopsided grin, and left to go grab her coat. A few moments later, and they were gone. The room felt suddenly much too large. Across the kitchen, the Kazekage was thoughtfully stirring the pot of soup.

“You two seem close,” Gaara said mildly.

“Me and who?”

The man shrugged.

“Either or. Naruto used to talk about you a lot.”

 _Used to_.

“Well, we all make mistakes. I think I was his, for a while.”

The Kazekage frowned, and tapped the wooden spoon at the edge of the pot before gently placing it back on the counter. Sasuke grimaced. He’d lived with Sakura long enough now to know when a _conversation_ was about to happen. Sure enough, Gaara had turned to him, glassy green eyes locked onto Sasuke’s own.

“You’re still missing an arm,” the man observed, and Sasuke frowned in surprise.

“Well, yeah. Hard not to notice.”

“Naruto has a new one. Why not you?”

“Tsunade dealt with Naruto’s herself,” Sasuke said flatly, “Mine wasn’t exactly a priority.”

Gaara gave him a questioning look and Sasuke grimaced.

“I’m not exactly popular with the village at the moment, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“You’ve been pardoned.”

“Ha,” Sasuke said, grinning darkly, “So they say. But I’m not allowed to leave.”

“Why not run away, then?”

Sasuke opened his mouth to bite back a reply, but paused. Why hadn’t he, exactly? With the anbu ops stationed outside and the seals laid on the apartment, he probably wouldn’t make it far. His arm wouldn’t help either, but it wasn’t impossible. Why hadn’t he considered it?

Finally, he just shrugged.

“I came back for a reason. May as well stick around.”

“What’s the reason, then?”

Sasuke looked up. Gaara’s eyes were still locked on his, pale and tired, and somehow much, much older than the boy himself looked.

“I dunno. It all made a lot more sense at first. Now I’m just…here.”

The Kazekage hummed softly to himself, as if in thought, before turning back to the soup.

“Well, this is just a suggestion,” he said mildly, “but I think you should figure out your reason. People can do horrible things when they forget what’s important to them.”

Sasuke’s shoulders tensed, but there was no accusation in the man’s voice. Sasuke remembered the first time he’d seen him, the way those pale green eyes had turned cold and dead. Gaara’s eyes didn’t look feral anymore, not today. They didn’t look like the boy was still trying to play at being alive. What had changed? This man had lived as a monster for years. Sasuke had heard the stories, even after he’d left the village behind. They said Naruto had changed his mind.

He grit his teeth. _His_ mind wasn’t going to be changed. He was back because there was nowhere else to go. He’d find something new, and then he would leave. He’d repay his debts to the people he’d left behind, and then it would be over. He looked down. His hand was shaking again. Frowning, he stilled it, clenching it into a fist until his nails grazed his palm. As soon as Sakura finished his new arm, as soon as he could make seals again, he’d decide.

To his left, the front door opened again, and Naruto and Sakura reappeared. Sakura was holding a small paper bag, presumably full of meat and fresh noodles, and Naruto had somehow acquired a hot chocolate.

“They were just closing,” Sakura said, a bit breathlessly, “I’m glad we decided to go now, I don’t want to have to make my own noodles.”

“We could have just gone to Ichiraku’s,” Naruto grumbled, but he was eyeing the broth excitedly. Sasuke took a moment to take in how his cheeks and ears had turned pink from the cold outside. He was more…wiry, now. When they were kids he could swear Naruto never seemed affected by the cold.

“How much longer on the broth?” Sakura asked.

“I’d say ten minutes or so. It’s pretty far along,” Gaara replied, and Sasuke nodded in agreement.

“I’ll set the table, then.”

After that, the room dissolved into warm, uninteresting conversation again. Gaara offered Sasuke the pot of broth, and said he was going to boil some water for the noodles. Sasuke just nodded, and took the spoon. It smelled…good. Homey.

 

* * *

 

After dinner, Naruto had returned to his favorite pastime of whining at Sakura.

“Come on, you never go out with me,” he said, tugging on her arm and giving her a plaintive look.

“I don’t want to go get shit faced at a ramen place. We _just had_ ramen.”

“And it was good! It was _so_ good, let me buy you a drink and celebrate!”

“Nope.”

Naruto scowled.

“You never agreed to go on a date with me when we were kids, now you _spurn me again_.”

Sakura gave Sasuke a bemused look.

“Apparently I’m a heartbreaker,” she said dryly, “You think he’s going to give up eventually?”

Sasuke shook his head.

“Nah. Better surrender while you can.”

Naruto gave him an odd look at that, but Sakura was already sighing and pulling on her coat.

“Gaara, you wanna come with?” she asked, but he just shook his head.

“I have to be back in Suna by tomorrow morning.”

Naruto pouted at this, but then, to Sasuke’s surprise, he turned to Sasuke himself.

“I, um,” Naruto began, then cleared his throat and looked at the floor. Their eyes only met for a second.

“I’m fine staying here. I’m not offended.”

“No, I mean. I’m sorry you can’t go,” Naruto said hastily, eyes darting nervously to Sasuke’s own, “I’m still talking to the council about it. Tsunade…will see your side of things eventually. I promise.”

Behind him, Sakura snorted. Sasuke agreed — once she’d decided to hold a grudge, the Hokage rarely saw _anyone’s_ side of things but her own. Sasuke half wondered if that’s why she seemed to be such an effective leader. Someone had to argue with the old shits who ran things behind the scenes. Naruto was still averting his eyes, but the air felt calmer, somehow. Sasuke bit his lip.

“Thank you,” he managed, “But don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

Naruto nodded mutely.

“Sakura, I can handle the dishes. You two have fun.”

Gaara left too, then. After a few minutes of careful goodbyes, Sasuke was alone in the apartment. There was a pile of dishes still in the sink, and the warm smell of fresh ramen filled the air. It seemed out of place, now that Naruto was gone. Carefully, Sasuke walked to the sink, and turned the water on. It was icy against his skin. The pipes must be half frozen outside.

It would have been easier if he could tell Naruto hated him. It would have been easier if he’d never come back at all. Why had he? What was he looking for?

Sasuke stared as the water flowed around his hand, winding around his fingers before spiraling down into the darkness of the drain. Eventually, his fingers turned numb. He turned off the water then, and dried his hand. He stared down at it a moment. Long fingers, pale skin. He hadn’t seen the sun for weeks now. His head ached. He wanted to go to sleep.

Still. There was work to be done. Pushing his thoughts aside, Sasuke turned the water back on, and got to work. He was getting used to working with one arm. No time to waste. He’d be finished by the time Sakura got home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mind me not updating this fic for a literal semester...I wish I had a better excuse but tbh it's just been a hard year for mental health and this really slipped away from me. I have really loved writing this fic tho so I'm really thankful to anyone who's sticking around!
> 
> In terms of this chapter though, OH BOY was this hard to write for so many reasons. I wish I had paragraphs upon paragraphs to devote to both Naruto and Gaara's perspectives on everything and the ways I'm interpreting them in this fic specifically but I'm committed to the Sasuke Only narrative style now I guess.
> 
> Next chapter will be a lot more fun and lighthearted than this one I think! Still talking about feelings, but. In a sweeter way. Thank you as always for your comments, I love hearing your thoughts and feelings. If you ever want to chat or want more gay naruto content you can find me @gaygaaras on tumblr (url changed)


	4. Roses and Thistles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow.”
> 
> From _The Secret Garden_

The next few days were, in a word, uneventful. Sakura came back content but hung over the next morning, and they reheated leftover ramen for breakfast. Sasuke retreated to his room until the kitchen was clear of the smell. It clung to his clothes anyway, and his skin after he changed. He took a bath that night, and closed his eyes as the smell of old memories was finally washed away. 

Once the apartment was no longer filled with reminders of the night with Naruto, things went back to normal. Sakura complained about work, and Sasuke slowly perfected the skill of chopping vegetables with one hand. He kept himself busy, and didn’t think about the last meal he’d made.

In the back of his mind, though, a few memories from that night kept playing over and over again. The way Naruto had looked when he walked through the door, the fragile moments when they’d finally locked eyes. And what Gaara had said, too. Why didn’t he run away? Why, really, had he come back at all?

The questions wouldn’t leave him alone. Sometimes he felt like leaving, going far enough away that nobody had even _heard_ of the village hidden in the leaves. Most of the time he just tried to ignore the feeling until it went away.

He assumed it would be another few weeks until he saw Naruto again.

 

* * *

 

 In the end, it was only three days until Naruto came back.

Sakura was out restocking the kitchen, and Sasuke had just finished vacuuming the carpet. The weather had turned unseasonably hot, last week’s chill all but forgotten, and Sasuke had changed into shorts and a tank top. Now, he sat in front of a fan, letting his eyes unfocus as he stared at the whirr of the blades and let the breeze wash over him. After about a minute of this, there was a knock at the door.

“Forget your keys again?” Sasuke muttered to himself, scowling as he pulled himself to his feet and padded towards the door. Sighing to himself about how _forgetful_ some people were, he opened it.

To his credit, he was only speechless for a few seconds this time.

Naruto was wearing a plain white t-shirt and shorts the same eyewatering shade of orange as his old genin jumpsuit. His hair was pushed back over his forehead, a handful of pins doing the same work his forehead protector usually would. The sunlight suited him. His hair shone where the light hit it, and his skin looked warm, almost dewy with the glaze of sweat from a day out in the heat. He was also, to Sasuke’s general confusion, holding a potted plant.

“Come inside,” Sasuke finally said, carefully relaxing his grip on the doorknob, “You’re letting all the cool air out.”

“Okay,” Naruto said, flashing him a small but genuine smile. He walked inside.

“Shoes off,” Sasuke added absently, closing the door behind him and letting his gaze linger on the back of his head. He bit his lip.

What was Naruto doing here? Sasuke had decided he was done being angry, for the most part. Even the day after they’d seen each other last, he found himself going over what Naruto had said and done over and over in his head. He’d been…different. Odd. He wouldn’t look Sasuke in the eye, apologized, walked like any misstep could mean the end. Of what? Sasuke being home? There was still a part of him which felt raw and hot and wounded, which wanted to bite back at everything Naruto said. He’d stayed away for weeks. He’d finally won, and he hadn’t come see him.

He groaned internally. He wanted to kick himself for somehow being annoyed that Naruto _was_ here. He’d spent weeks feeling wounded because Naruto _wasn’t_ coming to see him, and now the instant he actually had Sasuke found a way to be mad about it.

Well. He was done with that. And Naruto was back again, for…whatever reason.

“The leaf’s most unpredictable ninja,” he muttered under his breath.

“Huh?”

Sasuke looked up to see Naruto staring back at him, eyebrows raised.

“Nothing.”

Today, Naruto wasn’t avoiding eye contact. He just shrugged, gave Sasuke one last lingering look, and continued into the living room. Sasuke straightened his back, scowled, and followed. If Naruto wasn’t looking away today, he wouldn’t either.

Once inside, the blond plopped down on the edge of the sofa, cradling the plant in his lap. Sasuke’s eyebrows knit. Naruto had taken his spot in front of the fan.

“So,” he said, “What’s with the plant?”

Naruto blinked.

“Oh. It’s a present. Gaara said you and Sakura liked the tea he sent from Suna.”

There was a pause.

“It’s uh,” Naruto added, “a tea plant. I think.”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed. The plant looked like a shrub, still small, but covered in glossy green leaves. He could almost smell it on the air, bright and fragrant.

So. The kazekage had sent a gift, and Naruto had taken it upon himself to play delivery boy. Sasuke folded his arms, and gave the plant a pointedly disinterested look. 

“This isn’t a greenhouse.” 

“Yeah, well I figured it could be a nice hobby,” Naruto said, looking down at the plant, “And it needs a home, now it’s here.”

Sasuke snorted.

“I’m not _adopting_ a plant, dipshit.”

“Come on,” Naruto said, stretching the second word out.

He gave Sasuke a pleading look, pouting like a little kid and stroking the ceramic of the pot like the plant was an abandoned puppy. Something about him was more…relaxed, today. His face was open. He still spoke more carefully than Sasuke was used to, frowning sometimes before choosing a word. But the change was good.

“You look like an idiot,” Sasuke said, pursing his lips to keep his mouth from twisting into a smile. It didn’t work, and Naruto beamed in response.

“So where do you want me to put it? By the window?”

Naruto’s smile was smug. Sasuke silently cursed himself — now the boy thought he’d won.

“I just finished cleaning. It’ll get dirt on the floor.”

“So we’ll put it outside!” Naruto said, seemingly unsinkable, “It’s from the desert anyway, it’ll like the heat.”

Naruto leapt up and strode back towards the door, oblivious to or at least stubbornly ignoring Sasuke’s exasperated glare.

“There’s a card, too. How to care for it and stuff,” Naruto called over his shoulder, then ducked out the door to find a likely place for the plant.

Sasuke begrudgingly followed, walking over to stare through the still open door at Naruto, who was crouching on the ground and apparently trying to angle the tea plant “just right.” The plant was in a shaft of sunlight, leaves glowing green. Bits of green light reflected on Naruto’s face, making his skin glow. His eyes were focused, too, head tilted to one side as if to appraise the angle of the leaves. A breeze ruffled Naruto’s hair, and he sighed in appreciation, closing his eyes and leaning back as if to enjoy the air. He looked so…at ease, surrounded by dappled sunshine and the trees and houses of the village he called home.

And in that moment, Sasuke realized that Naruto might not come back inside. The dappled light of the outside world ended at the door. Naruto had done what he’d come here to do, and now he was back where he belonged. It was over just as fast as it had begun.

“So,” Sasuke said quietly, “You’re just here to deliver the plant, then.”

He’d meant it more as a question, but his voice came out dull and flat.

Naruto looked up, and flashed him a sheepish smile.

“Well, kinda,” he said, “I figured we could hang out some, too.”

Sasuke stared at him. Naruto’s posture was relaxed, his eyes steady. There was still something nervous in his smile, though, a hint of pink in his cheeks. Embarrassed, uncomfortable? It didn’t matter, really.

“Sakura put you up to this,” he guessed.

Naruto looked bewildered.

“No! I mean,” he paused, and turned away, face red, “Well, she, uh…said you weren’t mad. And that she’d be gone for the day if I wanted to. Um. Stop by. 

Sasuke glowered.

“I’m not ‘hanging out’ with you because Sakura thinks we need to talk.”

“Look, I’m not here because–" 

“Naruto,” Sasuke growled, “you don’t need to make me _feel_ better. Sakura doesn’t either, it’s not your fucking job to–”

“ _Sasuke_.”

Naruto paused, and bit his lip. In the silence, Sasuke realized their voices had grown louder, building towards a fight. Another argument.

 “Look, I,” Naruto tried again, quieter, “I dunno, I wanted to see you. Sakura or not. Catch up. Take a walk or…something. 

“A walk,” Sasuke repeated. He looked pointedly down at his feet, positioned so that his toes were just an inch shy of the doorframe.

“Yeah. Get some sunlight, right?”

Sasuke closed his eyes, and took a breath. His head ached. He fought to urge to raise his voice again.

“Naruto,” he said carefully, “if I step outside this house, I have zero doubt that some anbu sniper will take me out in _seconds_. You of all people should know that.”

He grit his teeth. Naruto couldn’t _not_ know. The terms of Sasuke’s trial had been simple, and the judge hadn’t exactly been vague about where this new compromise had come from. If Naruto had come to, to _tease_ him, then–

“Sasuke.”

Naruto’s voice was exasperated. Sasuke looked up, and his breath caught in his throat. Naruto had moved closer while he’d been lost in thought, face only a foot or so from his. His eyes were startlingly blue.

“Come on! You think we can’t take a couple anbu ops?”

Naruto was grinning, eyes dancing. Sasuke, yet again, felt himself go blank as static inside as Naruto reached out and grabbed his hand. They were just inches apart now. The hot air pressed down on him. Without waiting for a response, Naruto pulled him across the doorframe and into the hot, sharp sunlight of the world.

For a moment, it was silent. Naruto’s hand was still on his, somehow even warmer than the heat of the day.

Sasuke looked around at the surrounding houses and trees. Birds were singing a few houses away. No lightning crackled, no knives flew, no earth or water came to life to tie him up and drag him back inside.

“See?” Naruto said smugly, “Can’t stop us. Wouldn’t dare.”

Naruto’s hand left his now, and Sasuke blinked, catching himself as he nearly stumbled forward. Naruto stepped away, and raised his voice so it echoed off the nearby houses 

“Listen up!” he shouted, eyes bright, “Me and my _friend_ are gonna take a walk! If any of you have a problem with that, take it up with the Hokage!”

A couple offended birds flew out of the nearby trees, and down the street a window slammed shut. Other than that, there was an astonishing lack of any reply at all. 

Sasuke winced. The anbu ops stationed around the house had definitely heard him, but, more likely than not, so had half the neighbors.

“So,” Naruto said, unperturbed “where’d you wanna go?”

Sasuke’s eyes met his.

“Wherever you want.”

 

* * *

 

 The first few minutes of the walk passed in an almost comfortable silence. Naruto occasionally shot him slightly worried glances, but Sasuke ignored them. It had only been a few weeks in the apartment, but the world felt…big. The feeling he had, like any moment something could go wrong, didn’t go away either. He knew he was on enemy ground, as far as he was concerned. As far as half the village was concerned, too.

“So,” Naruto said, “What’s, uh. On your mind?”

Sasuke frowned. Naruto’s voice was _careful_ again, like it had been a few days ago. Besides, where to start. Sighing, he picked the topic least likely to actually cause a fight.

“Did you actually talk to Tsunade about any of this?” 

For a moment Naruto looked guilty, but he quickly brushed the expression aside to replace it with a self-assured nod.

“Of course I did.”

Sasuke snorted.

“I’m sure." 

A smile crept over his lips again, and this time he let it linger. Naruto laughed and smiled back. Somehow, this felt like a tiny victory. Soon, though, the moment passed.

“Really, though,” Naruto said, giving Sasuke a brief but searching look, “What’s up? I mean we haven’t…talked, much. Since you’ve been back.”

Sasuke grimaced. Sakura was bad enough. Now it seemed like everyone from his old life wanted to hear about his _feelings_.

“Well,” he said grudgingly, “I’m enjoying the walk.”

Naruto beamed at that, and Sasuke felt another smile tug at the edge of his lips. He turned away, and went on. He knew the drill by now. Naruto probably wouldn’t shut up until he talked. 

“Other than that, I dunno. To be honest I can’t decide if I’m happy to be out of the house or angry that outside is…here.”

On his right, the Hokage monument loomed in the distance. In the harsh sunlight, the shadows and angles of the faces seemed deeper, sinister against the brightness of the world. 

“Oh,” Naruto replied, voice small.

Sasuke bit his lip. He felt guilt burning at the back of his head, shame at doing anything to make Naruto of all people sound so…unsure. He looked over to him, then. Naruto’s eyes were fixed on the sky, and his hands were in his pockets, shoulders relaxed but expression almost unreadable.

“So,” Sasuke asked, “what about you? What’s on your mind?”

Naruto shrugged.

“Oh, the usual stuff,” he said absently.

Well, that was no answer at all. Sasuke found himself laughing at the thought — Sakura must finally be rubbing off on him — but, before he could press the question further, Naruto spoke.

“Here!” he said, a smile returning to his face, “We made it.”

Sasuke turned his head to where Naruto was looking, and frowned.

“You wanted to take me to…the genin academy?” he asked dryly.

“Yeah, kind of,” Naruto said, laughing sheepishly, “I know it’s not really. Exciting. But there should be nobody here right now, and. Well. Come on.”

Shrugging, Sasuke followed as Naruto half jogged through the academy gates. They rounded the corner, and after a few moments Naruto stopped in front of an old oak tree, half overgrown with moss. It leaned to one side a bit, and a rope swing was fastened to one of the branches. In front of the tree, green grass stretched on until it reached the walls of the academy itself. 

“A tree?” Sasuke asked, raising his eyebrows.

Naruto looked embarrassed now, face red and one hand absently fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“Well,” he said, “I used to come here a lot. As a kid. And like I said, nobody should be around. I figured there’s some shade, and. I dunno, we can talk.” 

Sasuke felt the urge to make some derisive remark, but something about Naruto’s expression made him soften. The place was special to him, somehow. Standing in the shade next to the now-battered old swing, Naruto looked almost…fragile. Like a little kid.

“Sure,” he said lightly, “let’s talk.”

Naruto flashed him a grateful smile, and walked over to sit on the swing. His fingers twined around one of the ropes, and he stared off at the academy across the field.

“You never really said what’s on your mind,” Sasuke said, leaning against the tree. The shade felt good in the heat.

Naruto shrugged again, still looking forward across the grass.

“Is it nice, living with Sakura?” he said, instead of answering.

Sasuke paused, tilting his head to one side as if to think. Apart from being stuck in the house, he realized, he kind of _did_ like staying with Sakura. When they weren’t fighting or talking about feelings they got on well, and there was just something…comfortable about it all. Like old times, back when they had been a team.

“Well, I guess so. We get along,” he said, but then grinned, and added, “She did throw some lettuce at me once.”

Naruto nearly choked on a laugh. 

“What? Why?”

Sasuke shrugged.

“Beats me. We probably had an argument about something. It’s a good thing it didn’t hit me. The way she threw it, if I hadn’t seen her _actually_ trying to kill someone I would have thought she was out for blood.”

“Sounds like Sakura,” Naruto said, smiling to himself.

He turned back to the academy then, swinging his legs out in front of him before letting them fall back to the ground. A few fallen leaves fluttered up from the dirt, pieces of dappled sun catching them so that they lit up a warm, muted gold.

“You know,” Naruto said, eyes following the arc of the leaves as they fell back to the ground, “I always wanted someone to push me on this thing. I usually came here by myself, you know?" 

There was a brief pause before Sasuke gave him an exasperated look.

“I’m not pushing you on a swing, dumbass. We’re not seven.”

Naruto took offense at that, whirling around in the swing to shoot Sasuke a glare. Before he could open his mouth, though, Sasuke planted a foot on his back and pushed as hard as he could. Naruto yelped as the swing leapt forward, his other hand shooting up to grab at the ropes and keep himself from falling off. As the swing started to arc back down towards Sasuke, though, Naruto started to laugh.

“Sasuke!” he said, trying to sound outraged, “I almost fell! I could have died!”

Sasuke snorted, and replied by giving Naruto another, gentler push on the swing. 

After a few more pushes, they fell into a quiet, comfortable rhythm. Naruto was beaming, now, and Sasuke felt a funny sense of pride at making him smile. His hand brushed Naruto’s on the next push, landing just below his own on the rope. He half flinched back from it, and nearly missed the swing as it came back down. Face reddening, he looked down.

“This isn’t easy with one hand, you know,” he muttered, “It’s hard to keep you balanced.”

“I don’t mind,” Naruto said. Again, something in Sasuke felt…warm.

They went on in silence for a while, then, with nothing but the rustle of the leaves and the creaking of the rope as it swung back and forth. 

Finally, Naruto spoke.

“Sasuke,” he said quietly, “why did you choose to go with Sakura?”

Sasuke blinked in surprise.

“I mean, it was better than jail,” he began, but Naruto shook his head.

“No, I mean. Why her over me?”

His voice was small, almost fragile. Sasuke stopped pushing the swing, which slowed to a stop in front of him. He didn’t say a word.

Naruto scuffed a foot against the ground, eyes still cast down.

“I figured,” he went on, voice carefully steady, “that, once you were back, we’d...I dunno. That you’d come be with me for a while. Until I convinced the council to let you go. That’s why I asked them to let you be with us, with people who care about you but I never thought…”

He trailed off then, and, to Sasuke’s surprise, reached a hand up as if to rub something out of his eyes. Sasuke stared at the back of his head below him on the swing, and felt his chest tighten. 

“Naruto,” he began, but his voice caught in his throat. 

What could he say? Where exactly could he begin?

The trial felt like a lifetime ago now. Days in a holding cell, the throbbing pain from his arm still keeping him awake at night, and Naruto’s words during their fight still ringing in his head. This felt familiar, too — sitting at this swing and looking out at the world. Now, he could barely tell how much of it had been real. Things had…happened, during his fight with Naruto. Words echoed in his mind, the way Naruto’s face had looked so full of hope and trust. He could swear they’d said things, impossible things. _My one and only._ The words were murky, old memories, dreams he’d woken up from too fast.

And then the judge had given him a choice.

“I…” he managed, working out the words as he spoke, “I think I was afraid, really.”

It felt stupid as soon as he said it, but he forced himself to go on. 

“You spent years running after me. I still don’t really know why, but. I guess I was afraid that if I came back I’d just become…”

He trailed off, fumbling for words.

“Become what?” Naruto asked quietly.

“I dunno. Just…another part of your life. Like all this time the important thing to you was… _finding_ me. Bringing me home. Like if you actually got me, it’d be…done. I wouldn’t really matter anymore.”

He bit his lip. He’d talked with Sakura about some of this, but half of it was just coming out, without Sasuke even thinking before he spoke. He closed his eyes, and took a breath.

“I don’t know, Naruto,” he finally said, “You kept saying I was your friend, right? And that’s why you kept chasing after me, but. I don’t know what that means. I don’t…belong here. I think I figured once I was back you’d see that. And then…”

He shrugged. There wasn’t much else to say.

The silence hung between them for a spell, with nothing but the faint whisper of the wind in the trees and the sounds of distant birds. Eventually, though, Naruto spoke.

“I don’t think that’s true,” he said quietly, “If you’re right, and I don’t know you, then I _want_ to. I care about you. If I’m wrong about who you are then I want to find out.”

He looked up at Sasuke then, and fixed him with a long, contemplative stare.

“I don’t think I’m wrong, though,” he said , “I think I _do_ know you. And I’m sorry you were scared.”

Sasuke looked down, breaking their eye contact, and bit his lip. Naruto didn’t look away.

After a moment, Sasuke spoke.

“If you’re…right,” he said carefully, “did you mean all the stuff you said? At the valley?" 

Naruto’s gaze softened, then. He reached out and placed a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder, warm against the bare skin where his tank top ended. Sasuke looked up, and met his deep blue stare with his own. 

“Every word,” Naruto said.

“Oh.”

The wind eddied around the tree, stirring the leaves up around them. Sasuke couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“Thanks for telling me,” he managed, “I’ll remember this time.”

Naruto smiled, and stood up. He walked around the swing to stand behind Sasuke, and fixed him with an expectant look.

“Go on,” he said, and Sasuke looked at him, bewildered.

“What?”

“Go on, it’s your turn! You pushed me, now I’ll push you.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Just because you want to act like a little kid doesn’t mean I do.”

Naruto folded his arms and gave Sasuke a stern look.

“Come on Sasuke, it’s basic playground rules. You must have been a shitty little kid if you didn’t even learn to take turns.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to give an indignant reply, but Naruto’s eyes were dancing. The sun was almost setting now, low enough in the sky that the amber tinted light crept under the branches of the tree and spilled across Naruto’s face. His skin glowed.

Sasuke bit his lip. In the back of his mind, Gaara’s voice echoed again. _Why did you come back?_ _What’s so important to you that you want to stay?_ In front of him, Naruto held out his hand expectantly. His eyes were bluer than the bluest sky, bright and familiar and warm.

“Come on,” Naruto said.

Sasuke looked down at the hand.

“I’m just…I’m just missing an arm,” he said, trying to sound stern, “I don’t need help sitting in a swing.”

His voice came out small and unsure.

Naruto just laughed. His hand was still held out. Sasuke took a breath, then took the hand, and begrudgingly let himself be helped into the swing.

“See?” Naruto said, “You don’t need to do it alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking a short break from Sasuke-Sakura bonding to deliver actual sns development! They're talking! Things are okay! Gay rights!
> 
> Sorry this took me literally months! Life's been kind of hard recently but I've made some friends online I'm really grateful for, and honestly they've helped a lot with the writing process and just moral support. As always you can find me at @gaygaaras on tumblr if you want to chat or for any other reason really.
> 
> Next chapter I've already started and should (maybe) be coming soon. Stay tuned for wlw mlm solidarity time...


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